Falling Down
by criesofthefallen
Summary: Hotch was tired of pretending nothing had changed,yet he made no effort to seek comfort.Reid is there to dull the pain,tomake him human again.So he keeps going back to him,no matter how much he hurts him.Slash


HotchxReid

I do not own so do not sue.

Hope you enjoy!

Falling Under

Hotch was tired of pretending that everything in his life was alright. He was tired of pretending that he was fine, that it did not hurt to see his wife leave him and take the most precious thing in the world to him, with her. He was so tired of the never ending string of cases that left him cold and empty. The only release he seemed to find as of late came from taking out his anger, his pain, on whoever was most convenient. He was careful not to let anything out in the open, his life was complicated enough. Still, he could not help but look forward to his release, to a few precious moments where he could simply let go of the agony, of the crushing weight on his heart.

When he had come home to find Haley and Jack gone he had fallen to his knees and for the first time in years he had wept. He could not recall what had happened that night past drinking himself into a stupor and waking two days later, finding himself getting ready for another day at work. He had missed a case as he had failed to respond to a call. As soon as he had showed up he felt the weight of his teams stares on him. Despite taking a few days to deal with Haley leaving him he still could not face the thought of finally being alone. He had worked himself to the ground and had pushed thoughts of Haley and Jack to the back of his mind until a lawyer came to him with the divorce papers. He had frozen in place in the board room as he saw the man approach. It was Haley's family lawyer, a man he had been good friends not too long ago. Now, here he was alone and with everyone aware of his failure. He had never failed in anything before, not really. Perhaps that was what left him feeling so lost and without direction.

The string of conquests he had acquired had meant nothing and he had found that the time he took to sleep with random strangers was the only time he felt no pain, inflicting pain on others instead. It sickened him knowing that he was doing something wrong, something he would have never done before. But the pain, the pain went away. He did not hear her voice as he walked by a room; he did not see Jack smiling up at him as he colored in his drawing book. He did not feel the cold of an empty house no longer a home. Home was where the heart is and his heart was lost. It had left him all alone, broken in ways he could have never imagined. The pain was always there crushing in its weight, the memories overwhelming at times. He spent all of his time in the office, taking cold cases and analyzing them to give detectives something to work with. He did what he could to keep his mind away from Haley and Jack, only to find that the smallest things reminded him of them.

He had missed them when he was away during cases, but never with the intensity he now yearned for their presence. _You never know what you have until it is gone_. How adequate. He distanced himself from his team and felt the loneliness creep up on him even more. Bitterly he thought how his wife leaving him was destroying the man he once was as nothing had before. Murder, rape, torture, and the most horrifying minds in existence had come nowhere near this level of damage and he could not help but wonder why him. _Why now?_

He was slowly slipping further and further into the abyss and he seemed to be reaching a point of no return. Then he began to notice the looks their resident genius gave him, how he blushed so deliciously and the stutters that overcame him when Hotch gave him his undivided attention. He would have never thought Reid was anything but straight, or at the very least asexual despite his brief romance with Lila. It had begun with a case in Austin, Texas and had spiraled out of control from there. He had taken him roughly, savagely and with no regard to his own pleasure. Afterwards he had dressed himself and left him with an empty look in his eyes. After that he stopped seeking the comfort he gained from others and focused his attention on Reid and Reid alone. His conscience nagged him incessantly telling him what he was doing was wrong, but he was no longer the man he was once, and unlike the past-he was unable to listen, much less care, about what his conscience had to say.

He kept taking from Reid what he needed, always leaving satisfied and paying no mind to what Reid felt or thought. He had silenced Reid's attempts at talking the first few times viciously and Reid had since ceased any and all attempts at making any conversations. He could not get enough of Reid and the thought of him with someone else enraged him. Reid was his, his and only his. The pain and anger faded until he almost forgot it was there, and it stayed that way for hours, sometimes even days. What he felt when he was with Reid-he could not describe. It was liberating and…he did not know how to explain it. So it went that he kept taking from Reid and leaving him where ever it was that he took him.

Each time he took Reid, each time he took out his anger, pain, and frustrations on him and used his body as he pleased he convinced himself he did not care. He was a man incapable of caring. He did not care that since that first time Reid's eyes were nothing more than bits of bleak pieces of ice. He did not care that all the self confidence that he had come to build was rapidly fading. He did not care that as he walked away he could see his body heave silently. He _did not care_ that he cried brokenly as he turned his back and walked away. No, _he did not care_.

And if sometimes he felt something in his chest ache painfully, he told himself it was because of Haley and Jack. He told himself that he did not hesitate as he walked away because he cared, he was just considering going back for another round, just so he would be able to do his job better the next day. And sometimes, sometimes…_he actually believed it._

I have only recently discovered the wonders of HotchxReid and MorganxReid. I think I might just start writing more CM fics and if I have the time, I might even update my HP fics too. Hope you enjoy, first HotchxReid fic. Hope you enjoyed!

CriesOfTheFallen


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